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Be like Fred and Barney: Take a "Winston Break."

WTF News

5 reasons why nursery rhymes are evil.

Some N.O. residents can't or won't leave, because "Fuck it, I'm out of here" is still not as good as, "I think I'll stay, since it worked out so great the first time."

Michael Moore hurricane Gustav during Republican Convention: "Proof that there's a god in heaven."

Now that gay marriage is legal in California the inmates are going to get in on the action.

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WTF News

Arkansas Obama delegates coming back from "Hopefest '08" realize that, in the end, they still have to him elected. Where is your Hope now, bitches?

Business at Denver strip clubs lackluster during the DNC. Why don't the Democrats support single moms?

Hottest selling disaster supply item in hurricane-threatened New Orleans? Rifles

HIV is spreading through New York at three times the national rate, which makes for a nice addition to all the herpes.

The DA lost her home to forclosure. The mayor, whom she is prosecuting, can't pay his legal bills. Welcome to the great city of Detroit: where the most fiscally responsible are drug dealers.

Army Barrackses in Fort Chaffee, AR to house possible evacuees again, because the Superdome didn't suck enough the first time.

Merely News

Secret Service security sweep of Mitt Romney's family to protect against hate groups, former owners of AMC Pacers and Gremlins still pissed at his dad. Possible VP pic?

WTF?

Ok, so I'm mixing up daily fail stories with stuff WTFworthy. I worked the past 2 weeks straight, so give me a break:

L.A. City council is forcing Home Depot and other home improvement stores to provide shelter to day laborers, 95% of which are, you guessed it, are illegal.

Fight at a 7-11 involving one guy, several women, Mace, a can of peanuts, and about two dozen braided hair extensions "strewn across the parking lot."

United States military is funding research into the reading of minds. Being as this is sort of unexplored territory, you would think they would give more than 4 million, but alas, no.

Virginia town holds "Sheep and Goat Olympics", because creating a site like this is actually merely the second lowest point in boredom.

Thought of the day...

If gay men can go to to the men's room, why can't straight men go to the Ladies room?

The Daily Fail

American Airlines supports the troops -- for an extra $300 charge per duffel bag, that is.

Mugshot and surveillance video of Colorado's phony "porn inspector"

During the DNC, Al-Jazeera will spotlight Colorado town where Coors is brewed. Once again showing they'll do anything to make the US look bad.

In response to recent violence, authorities have imposed a 24-hour curfew on the city, enforced by roadblocks manned by paramilitary forces carrying M-16s and M-4s. Is this a) Baghdad, Iraq, b) Tbilisi, Georgia, or c) Helena, Arkansas?

Finally, a case worthy of the U.S. Supreme Court's time: whether a 5th grader's candy canes are religiously offensive.

Burger King employee -- caught taking a nude bath in restaurant's utility sink -- gives himself the most appropriate nickname ever: "Mr. Unstable." Or, as his friends call him, "Mr. Unemployed”

House in Detroit sells for $1. That way, you’ll be able to spring extra bucks for the new ballistic vest you will need while you live in Detroit.

The Daily Fail

Liberal Arkansas political columnist finally realizes that the only thing worse than being a Republican in Arkansas Democratic politics is being an African-American-anybody. I'm sure glad the Democratic Party of Arkansas took care of that Racism thingy in the past 200 years of state control.

Epic fail, with Irony high-fiving Orval Faubus.

Two men in Arkansas Mexican restaurant company arrested for harboring illegal aliens and funneling money. Because there are absolutely no others around here. None at all.

Black Democratic congressional candidate from Memphis wishes her white incumbent (and also Democratic) rival a good race in which they can debate the hard-hitting issues….

FWAWAHAHAHAHAHA … Got you. She made a TV ad placing images of him next to the Klu Klux Klan. Super fail bonus: the white guy is also kind of Jewish.

Obama's Muslim coordinator resigns because he is connected to Hamas terrorist group. Epic fail, with Irony doing post-game victory dance.

The Daily Fail

Today comes with a real doozy, as apparently forgetting a ghost site can bite you in the ass years later. It has been shut down due to server collaspe literally a few hours ago, so heres the rehosted site.

Now look at the upper right corner of the site.

epic fail, school webmaster, or should I say win?

Moqtada al-Sadr has finally decided to give up. Congrats troops, the final bitch has been owned.

How many cheerleaders can fit inside an elevator? Answer: not 26.

Congratulations Ohio for garnering four slots on the Forbes 10 fastest dying cities in the US list.

Sorry

I had to work on my wife's birthday gift yesterday. That is all.

Same-Sex Marriage, Universal Buttsex, and Morman Extremists. Same Freakshows

As the butt pirate lobby strives for Universal Buttsex, apparently everyone has completely bypassed the irony in what should be a normal, legal marriage. There is apparently growing support of a marriage between one man and another man, but yet, everyone thinks that polygamist marriages are still weird as hell.

Step back for a second and think about it.

Man + Woman= Fine

Man + 2 Women= Freak show

2 Men + Woman= WTF

Man + Man = Fine?

We've went one step up and two steps backs folks. The Buttsecks lobby is wrong, just as the Fundamental Church of Latter-Day Saints is when they say they're all for "Big Love" as long as no more kiddies are involved. You're both outta your fucking minds.

And I want my whip and leather vest back, dammit.

The Daily Fail

-Chinese Restaurant uses online translator for Name of Restaurant and makes mistake of assuming "Translate Server Error" was supposed to be the result.

-When skateboarding on a roof, watch out for skylights.

-Greyhound cancels ad Manitoba campaign promising "there's a reason you've never heard of bus rage."

-Copper thieves: God's gift to dumb crook news.

-How can SWAT screw a drug raid up? A) Bust the mayor in his underwear. B) Decline to arrest anyone once they realize he's the mayor. C) Shoot both his dogs, including the one that was running away. D) All of the above

Beebe on Drilling

In another great act of irony, Democratic Governor Mike Beebe has stated his support for drilling in Arkansas Wildlife Management Areas.

I have to ask, do liberal Democrats in Arkansas ever voice notable dissent in cases where Arkansas Democrat politicians are obviously taking advantage of them? How does a liberal in Paragould in the 1990s vote for Tim Wooldridge, a state legislator who was much more conservative than a lot of local Republicans, and had seriously mentioned re-introducing public execution?

I guess as easily as Mike Beebe accepted the nut job's endorsement.

Awww, my first WTF?! segment

New Arkansas political news has reached my ears. As Hillary Clinton's beat down in the primaries finished, it became clear that Arkansas would be nowhere close to a swing state statues, and state democrats are left scrambling, not to mention leaving Marion Berry in the most possible awkward political position of a White Democrat from Stuttgart, Arkansas.... EVER.

You would think this would completely break open a chance for the RPA to shatter records, do the unthinkable and turn red counties in eastern Arkansas that don't even have a stable Republican County Committee, but you would be assuming Arkansas politics wasn't on crack.

It seems that since the 1st Congressional District, in it's first chance to be won by a Republican presidential candidate, will NOT get a regional headquarters. The nearest one for the most part will be in Searcy, about 3 hours drive from several of the larger county committees in the 1st district. Meanwhile, Searcy is less than an hour from the Little Rock State HQ.

The RPA's logic is this is that they are focusing their resources on local campaigns, while taking comfort in the political assplosion on the state democrat's end(so to speak).

The thing is that the 1st District has never been accessible to Republicans. Ever. So why on earth would you possibly squander that?