Ah, for this next one, I was wondering if this would be a problem, and now here it is:
Somali pirate on trial in the Netherlands likes the country so much, he's considering staying there after his trial is over. "He thinks the lavatory in his cell is fantastic."
So how exactly can you punish folks already from a shit hole?

Pakistan's allies promise $224 million to help displaced civilians. Meanwhile, Pakistan spends its own money ramping up production of nuclear warheads.... wait. what?

I pity the fool that don't wish Mr. T a happy 57th birthday.

Seven crazy ass weapons made in recent history.

Legislator decides to get back at Neo-Nazi group that adopted road by renaming it the "Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel Memorial Highway."

Reason # 359 that the internet is the death of us all: WD-40 now has a social network.

Man goes turkey hunting, sits behind turkey decoy while making turkey calls. Need I tell you what happened next?

Iran throws a burqa on Facebook.

The Nuclear Option Against Affirmative Action

Hi everybody! Ever feel like the man is holding you down for not being brown, or at least, in the case of poor, poor Bill Richardson, not being the "right kind" of brown?



"The Man"


My friends, we here at Jim Bob's Bait Shop (and gifts) have the perfect product for you:

The Race Trump Card.



With the race trump card, you can affirm just about any action! Got a government interview? The Race Trump Card is there to help you seal the deal. Got turned down on a home loan? Pull out your trusty card and tell that pail-faced loan officer you also just happen to be there for a 200 year collection call. Also, if you're in the Armed Forces, you can use your Military I.D. for a devastatingly powerful soldier/Indian combo. Because, if you're bigoted against Native American veterans, you're pretty much going to be Adolf Hitler's roommate in Hell.

Okay, here's were I'm going with this: let's just say, that one day, the Arkansas State government was to hire state workers with an emphasis on hiring minority workers. An emphasis to the point where being a minority would be essentially "brownie points"(I swear on my grave that was a totally unintended pun), and giving someone a better opportunity to get a job than another person who, if was the same race, would have instead gotten it.

Here's the wrench in the gears to that plan.

Most white people whose families have been here since the 1800s have Cherokee ancestry, and since there are some nations with lenient entry requirements, virtually all of them could enter one, officially having recognized minority status as a Native American, and receive similar government benefits as other minorities.

Hence the "Race Trump Card."

Then, we find ourselves rating each other on racial purity to get those benefits, and then we've pretty much missed the damn point on equality. So maybe we should just let the
best man win?

...and/or woman. I also also meant woman.

"The Hurt Locker"

Apparently, Hollywood has decided to make a move about an EOD team in Iraq, and it's coming this summer. It's called "The Hurt Locker, and has already racked up a few awards in the past few months. The irony is the reported budget, which was only 11 million dollars. Shoot, Obama screwed Arkansas' 39th out of more money just this spring.



So it could be argued that, yes, I am out of my mind, but the Army told me it was this, Infantry, or Special Forces. You would think a 92 ASVAB would get you better options, but oh well.

Now on for the news:

Tamil Tiger leader Velupillai Prabhakaran shot dead, pitiful little band defeated, rebellion crushed with one swift stroke.

If you're a Dakota Indian living in Minnesota, you're breaking Federal law.

With no horny middle school teachers available, awesome dad arrested for trying to hire a hooker for his 14 year old son. It was only $30, but it's the thought that counts.

General Motors bankruptcy inevitable. GM shares set to fall like a rock. OOOOOOHHHHH like a rock.

The House of Representatives votes 422-1 to award the Congressional Gold Medal to Arnold Palmer. So who voted against him? Hint: He's from Texas, and, just last year, we heard a whole lot about him from people far, far crazier than him.

(In his defense, this medal was once reserved for war heroes, and now we're giving them to... Arnold Palmer?)

Taliban finally agrees that letting girls in Afghanistan gettin' them an eductaion is a good idea. Just kidding, they're using poison gas on them.

Army update and more news...

(I wish I had one of these...)

First of all, the army update...

My paperwork looks screwed up, and I can't get anyone to work on it. Oh well, as long as I'm getting paid as someone 6 years into my E-4 pay (giving me the maximum amount I could get while training), I could care less really. The drive to get it over with ASAP kind of goes out the window when:

-You're one of the only few training that's earning a bit more than that awesome $300 a week Private paycheck.

and

-Training over here means less time out of your 4 years waiting around to be drug out to "over there."

Anyways...



Things you shouldn't do with an unmarked white van: Taping up a sign saying "FREE CANDY INSIDE", placing a mattress and clothes on the van's floor, and parking it randomly in neighborhoods.


White House releases beautiful photograph that cost $328,000 and scared the poop out of thousands of New Yorkers (photo included).

The Great Oprah Kentucky Fried Chicken Riots of 2009.

Proof Chrysler knew they sucked since the early 90s: Their HQ was designed so it could be easily converted into a shopping mall in case they went out of business. Also, it turns out even THAT didn't make business sense.

Nancy Pelosi: I was not briefed on waterboarding practices. CIA: Our documents, let us show you them.

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It's been awhile, so why not?