News you can't use. Not yours.

Meet Jennifer, she will "moan like Shamu for you"


The money you'll be getting on average from the obama stimulus, but then again, that's just my two cents.

Audio of the Christian Bale insanity if you haven't heard it yet.

Folks pissed that they were tricked into getting coins with Obama stickers slapped on. Insert your change joke here.

Two New Zealand prove they're not of the same breeding as their Aussie ex-penal colony neighbors.

Lastly, the Secret Service may actually have the upper hand against any potential Obama assassins with this puppy that follows the Presidential limo:



...holy crap.

whew...

This whole dad this is crazy stuff, but then again, I think it was pretty much assumed as such. By the way, 9lbs and 1 oz... yes, indeed. He did though have a nasty bout of jaundice, but only after staying 2 nights in a hospital room half the size of a motel 6 room(though probably with as much fluids strung around), it was cleared up.

News... going... now:

Unintentional advertising of the day.

Picking up the garbage in high crime areas can actually lower the crime rate by 20%... in other news, thermonuclear device causes vaporization of north Jonesboro neighborhood.

I give you the worlds oldest know sex ed video, 1932's "The Mystery of Marriage" totaly lame flapper action though.

News besides me being a dad...

Attention students of Palm Springs Middle School: This is your Principal. Please do not take the Xanax, or the brown acid, while you're at it.

Arkansas State Senate votes 34-1 for cutting grocery tax. In other news, Pine Bluff legislator gives yet another reason why we must burn Pine Bluff to the ground.

The state legislature also signed into law an animal cruelty bill making torture of cats, dogs, and horses a felony on the first offense... WON'T ANYBODY THINK OF THE COWS?!?!

I'm a daddy.

I'm a daddy. That is all.