The Nuclear Option Against Affirmative Action

Hi everybody! Ever feel like the man is holding you down for not being brown, or at least, in the case of poor, poor Bill Richardson, not being the "right kind" of brown?



"The Man"


My friends, we here at Jim Bob's Bait Shop (and gifts) have the perfect product for you:

The Race Trump Card.



With the race trump card, you can affirm just about any action! Got a government interview? The Race Trump Card is there to help you seal the deal. Got turned down on a home loan? Pull out your trusty card and tell that pail-faced loan officer you also just happen to be there for a 200 year collection call. Also, if you're in the Armed Forces, you can use your Military I.D. for a devastatingly powerful soldier/Indian combo. Because, if you're bigoted against Native American veterans, you're pretty much going to be Adolf Hitler's roommate in Hell.

Okay, here's were I'm going with this: let's just say, that one day, the Arkansas State government was to hire state workers with an emphasis on hiring minority workers. An emphasis to the point where being a minority would be essentially "brownie points"(I swear on my grave that was a totally unintended pun), and giving someone a better opportunity to get a job than another person who, if was the same race, would have instead gotten it.

Here's the wrench in the gears to that plan.

Most white people whose families have been here since the 1800s have Cherokee ancestry, and since there are some nations with lenient entry requirements, virtually all of them could enter one, officially having recognized minority status as a Native American, and receive similar government benefits as other minorities.

Hence the "Race Trump Card."

Then, we find ourselves rating each other on racial purity to get those benefits, and then we've pretty much missed the damn point on equality. So maybe we should just let the
best man win?

...and/or woman. I also also meant woman.

"The Hurt Locker"

Apparently, Hollywood has decided to make a move about an EOD team in Iraq, and it's coming this summer. It's called "The Hurt Locker, and has already racked up a few awards in the past few months. The irony is the reported budget, which was only 11 million dollars. Shoot, Obama screwed Arkansas' 39th out of more money just this spring.



So it could be argued that, yes, I am out of my mind, but the Army told me it was this, Infantry, or Special Forces. You would think a 92 ASVAB would get you better options, but oh well.

Now on for the news:

Tamil Tiger leader Velupillai Prabhakaran shot dead, pitiful little band defeated, rebellion crushed with one swift stroke.

If you're a Dakota Indian living in Minnesota, you're breaking Federal law.

With no horny middle school teachers available, awesome dad arrested for trying to hire a hooker for his 14 year old son. It was only $30, but it's the thought that counts.

General Motors bankruptcy inevitable. GM shares set to fall like a rock. OOOOOOHHHHH like a rock.

The House of Representatives votes 422-1 to award the Congressional Gold Medal to Arnold Palmer. So who voted against him? Hint: He's from Texas, and, just last year, we heard a whole lot about him from people far, far crazier than him.

(In his defense, this medal was once reserved for war heroes, and now we're giving them to... Arnold Palmer?)

Taliban finally agrees that letting girls in Afghanistan gettin' them an eductaion is a good idea. Just kidding, they're using poison gas on them.

Army update and more news...

(I wish I had one of these...)

First of all, the army update...

My paperwork looks screwed up, and I can't get anyone to work on it. Oh well, as long as I'm getting paid as someone 6 years into my E-4 pay (giving me the maximum amount I could get while training), I could care less really. The drive to get it over with ASAP kind of goes out the window when:

-You're one of the only few training that's earning a bit more than that awesome $300 a week Private paycheck.

and

-Training over here means less time out of your 4 years waiting around to be drug out to "over there."

Anyways...



Things you shouldn't do with an unmarked white van: Taping up a sign saying "FREE CANDY INSIDE", placing a mattress and clothes on the van's floor, and parking it randomly in neighborhoods.


White House releases beautiful photograph that cost $328,000 and scared the poop out of thousands of New Yorkers (photo included).

The Great Oprah Kentucky Fried Chicken Riots of 2009.

Proof Chrysler knew they sucked since the early 90s: Their HQ was designed so it could be easily converted into a shopping mall in case they went out of business. Also, it turns out even THAT didn't make business sense.

Nancy Pelosi: I was not briefed on waterboarding practices. CIA: Our documents, let us show you them.

Youtube Gold

It's been awhile, so why not?

Excuses... Excuses

Sorry I've been away, but between helping take care of Harrison, trying to go around on the chicken dinner fund raising circuit, and oh, going active duty army to be an Explosive Ordinance Disposal specialist. So give me a break, will you?

Anyways, Here's the news:

WHO raises alert level to 5 for swine flu. One more level until we unlock the bonus round.


Also, swine flu "patient zero" now has a face.



Who's the cutest little Harbinger of Doom? Youuuu aaarrrreee.


Mother proud to be feeding her kids McDonalds at 6 months of age. As you could tell by the picture in the article, the golden arches haven't been kind to her, either.



Obama secretly tested for swine flu after man he shook hands with in Mexico drops dead the next day. Officials concerned because Obama's touch usually heals.

Car salesman dies at NASCAR race, but as his obit notes, "We are sure he would still want all to know that 0.9% financing is still available on all New 2008 Hummer H2's."


Worst. Pirates. Ever.

No Justice in the World

See these guys up there? More likely than not, their bonuses just got cut... if they
in the past couple months, the army has had it's reenlistment bonuses either cut dramatically or entirely for virtually all MOSs (military occupation specialties). In fact only %5 of the entire force.

As of March 1, you are more likely to be wounded than receive an initial enlistment bonus.

Don't worry, there's more. Bonuses for enlisting again have been cut up to two thirds. Instead of getting $15,000 for a 6-year reenlistment, it would be just $5,000. Don't worry if you're held under "stop loss" during a deployment.

To make a point, lets say that the 1037th MAC (the Paragould unit) had a 60% reenlistment rate (which is actually much higher, just don't know the exact amount).
There are around 120 soldiers dedicated to that unit, so that would mean 72 soldiers reenlisting, and would mean nearly three quarters of a million dollars in bonuses were cut. As for the 875th as a whole, somewhere 2.5 million dollars. The 39th? Since I've heard the the reenlistment rate is a bit lower, but 50% would be a safe number, and even at that conservative estimate, it would be around 15 million dollars.

I know. I had to count the zeroes on my calculator to double check if I was reading it wrong.

I can understand cutting funding on some ridiculously expensive weapons system that hardly works, but why cut the bonuses of hundreds of thousands of guardsmen? After all, these people are the sole reason young men in our country have grown up in this world without having a draft card in their pocket.

Think about that.

New News

Oral sex causes tonsil cancer. Now she has another excuse.

Man gets drunk, strips naked, runs down the street claiming he's an illegal alien, and nearly punches a cop in the face all in the hopes of getting deported to Mexico.

Barack Obama becomes most polarizing president in over 40 years according to not-so-right-wing... Pew Research Center? Why, that there is some fail we all could believe in.

Congress finally set to add some much needed regulation by enacting tougher trading rules and creating a new registration system for traders. Since it's the US Congress of course we're talking about concert tickets.

Fannie and Freddie will pay out $210 million in bonuses for their employees' great work, and the value they brought to the company. Or, we can just call it welfare.

The ten cars that sank Detroit.

US responds to earthquake in Italy by offering them emergency aid totalling $50,000, which is enough to buy every victim a plate of pasta, no sauce and don't even ask for bread.

Finally, I leave you with this. Yes, you're welcome.