"The Hurt Locker"

Apparently, Hollywood has decided to make a move about an EOD team in Iraq, and it's coming this summer. It's called "The Hurt Locker, and has already racked up a few awards in the past few months. The irony is the reported budget, which was only 11 million dollars. Shoot, Obama screwed Arkansas' 39th out of more money just this spring.



So it could be argued that, yes, I am out of my mind, but the Army told me it was this, Infantry, or Special Forces. You would think a 92 ASVAB would get you better options, but oh well.

Now on for the news:

Tamil Tiger leader Velupillai Prabhakaran shot dead, pitiful little band defeated, rebellion crushed with one swift stroke.

If you're a Dakota Indian living in Minnesota, you're breaking Federal law.

With no horny middle school teachers available, awesome dad arrested for trying to hire a hooker for his 14 year old son. It was only $30, but it's the thought that counts.

General Motors bankruptcy inevitable. GM shares set to fall like a rock. OOOOOOHHHHH like a rock.

The House of Representatives votes 422-1 to award the Congressional Gold Medal to Arnold Palmer. So who voted against him? Hint: He's from Texas, and, just last year, we heard a whole lot about him from people far, far crazier than him.

(In his defense, this medal was once reserved for war heroes, and now we're giving them to... Arnold Palmer?)

Taliban finally agrees that letting girls in Afghanistan gettin' them an eductaion is a good idea. Just kidding, they're using poison gas on them.

Army update and more news...

(I wish I had one of these...)

First of all, the army update...

My paperwork looks screwed up, and I can't get anyone to work on it. Oh well, as long as I'm getting paid as someone 6 years into my E-4 pay (giving me the maximum amount I could get while training), I could care less really. The drive to get it over with ASAP kind of goes out the window when:

-You're one of the only few training that's earning a bit more than that awesome $300 a week Private paycheck.

and

-Training over here means less time out of your 4 years waiting around to be drug out to "over there."

Anyways...



Things you shouldn't do with an unmarked white van: Taping up a sign saying "FREE CANDY INSIDE", placing a mattress and clothes on the van's floor, and parking it randomly in neighborhoods.


White House releases beautiful photograph that cost $328,000 and scared the poop out of thousands of New Yorkers (photo included).

The Great Oprah Kentucky Fried Chicken Riots of 2009.

Proof Chrysler knew they sucked since the early 90s: Their HQ was designed so it could be easily converted into a shopping mall in case they went out of business. Also, it turns out even THAT didn't make business sense.

Nancy Pelosi: I was not briefed on waterboarding practices. CIA: Our documents, let us show you them.

New News

Oral sex causes tonsil cancer. Now she has another excuse.

Man gets drunk, strips naked, runs down the street claiming he's an illegal alien, and nearly punches a cop in the face all in the hopes of getting deported to Mexico.

Barack Obama becomes most polarizing president in over 40 years according to not-so-right-wing... Pew Research Center? Why, that there is some fail we all could believe in.

Congress finally set to add some much needed regulation by enacting tougher trading rules and creating a new registration system for traders. Since it's the US Congress of course we're talking about concert tickets.

Fannie and Freddie will pay out $210 million in bonuses for their employees' great work, and the value they brought to the company. Or, we can just call it welfare.

The ten cars that sank Detroit.

US responds to earthquake in Italy by offering them emergency aid totalling $50,000, which is enough to buy every victim a plate of pasta, no sauce and don't even ask for bread.

Finally, I leave you with this. Yes, you're welcome.

Newsiness

(I have had the luxury of going to a certain someone's Assembly of God church in Missouri that still kicks it "old school", borderline Pentecostal-wise. Apostolic? There is no telling, unless it's already in Revelations.)

Today's "college sends 'Congrats' e-mail to 30,000 rejected applicants" story is brought to you by UC San Diego.

Convenience store robber celebrates "Take Your Daughter to Work Day" a month early.

If you thought the Snuggie was a nifty way to keep warm and not a spectacular waste of $15, you're going to love the Peekaru. Oh yeah, there are pictures. God, there are pictures.

'Consensual living' movement growing in popularity, as parents pretend that children who have barely learned to not poop their pants have important thoughts and feelings. This, combined with polygamist Mormons, the concept of long-term gay monogamy, and "Octomom", form the four franken-family horses of the Apocalypse.

Drunken students attempt to steal dinosaur, forget how obvious carrying a large dinosaur looks to police.

Sunday news...

Lost in translation: Hooters opens franchises in China under the name 'The American Owl'

New Versace hotel in Dubai finds ingenious way to deal with global warming: Refrigerate the beach.

The German government has lost over 300 top secret files over the last 10 years. They're so secret, in fact, that they don't even know what they lost. Talk about unknown unknowns.

Wounded Iraq vet gets to adopt her bomb dog.

News

Arrest made in attractive, blonde anchor woman's death. For some strange reason, they mention the suspect's car had 22" rims. Surely a critical detail, nothing else.

Cardboard figure keeps police at bay. "After failing to get any response from the figure inside, the SWAT team entered."

Former New York cop wins $4.5 million in damages after shooting himself in the leg when the chair he was sitting in broke. ""He's lucky in a sense that he didn't shoot himself somewhere else."

Walmart employee killed on Black Friday, otherwise known as the annual American Running of the Bulls.