Youtube, Camera Phones, Beer, Borat, and Why Life as We Know it is Already Doomed

It came to me as I watched a scene of Borat on the movie screen in LSA Anaconda, Iraq during my deployment. As often do many things that people do while intoxicated, South Carolina college students decide to pick up a Kazakh news reporter.

As we all know, this had no probability of ending well.

Looking already too drunk to even turn down a sexual favor from woman with a suspiciously large Adam's Apple, and with a little coxing from Borat, they were happy to oblige with various racist and sexist remarks that will make their next few trips to Wal-Mart more than a little awkward.

Then something came into my mind. A bad, horrible, terrible thing. What if this happened more often? What if people actually did start going around at parties with wireless cameras and microphones, trying to use lack of context, loose lips, and even the law of averages, getting caught up in the moment and completely gaffing the flying f**k away in one sentence?

Think of it this way: have you ever said at least one thing, one thing in your entire life that would be so horrible, that, if publicized could harm you socially?

And often more serious actions by collections of morons caught on tape, or at least persons under temporary morose behavior, can actually lead to large scale tomfoolery, and when tomfoolery breaks out, we're all pretty much screwed.

By the way, any old timers remember seeing footage like this from the beautiful city of LA? It's like having the COPS production crew pretty much behind the shoulder of each and every one of us, waiting for the moment to put us in Youtube infamy.

...so ya, we're pretty much screwed.

Burger Virgins... and barely legal.

Yes, this apparently is a very real (but not really serious) documentary, as Burger King actually did send people out on a wacked out version of the old Pepsi-Coke taste tests.

Apparently, there are people who are outraged about this, as people with bunched-up panties often are.

December's first batch...

(there would be a funny picture about winter, but blogspot decided to be evil for the moment...)

In a stunning reversal, UAW president says they may agree to having some of their members not be paid for doing absolutely nothing.

If you are trying to get out of a DUI manslaughter arrest, giggling during your field sobriety test is not the best strategy.

This is why you always get the new kid to clear the paper jam in the printer.

Vin Diesel to star in "dead language version" movie of Hannibal crossing the Alps. Because "Alexander" didn't cause a a rip in the terrible-movie-space-time-continuum that was supposed to kill us all years ago.

Scientists putting in long hours of "research" discover different cultures use different gestures to order beer.

News

Arrest made in attractive, blonde anchor woman's death. For some strange reason, they mention the suspect's car had 22" rims. Surely a critical detail, nothing else.

Cardboard figure keeps police at bay. "After failing to get any response from the figure inside, the SWAT team entered."

Former New York cop wins $4.5 million in damages after shooting himself in the leg when the chair he was sitting in broke. ""He's lucky in a sense that he didn't shoot himself somewhere else."

Walmart employee killed on Black Friday, otherwise known as the annual American Running of the Bulls.

It's past midnight after Thanksgiving night...

...and I'm still up. At least the turkey was good this year. My turkey. Not yours. You can't have any.

First of all: Happy Thanksbacon

Apparently, since it's all the rage in Nebraska to "kid-litter", two parents whose last names suspiciously don't match decide to leave their 4 year old at "709 Cut Rate Package Liquor Store" in Springfield, IL... which... if you have ever been there, sounds just about right.

8-year-old kid is thrown out of class for being noisy. So he does the only logical thing and goes home to complain to his mother... in the teacher's car

There are so many phones smuggled into Texas prisons, officials are considering installing cell phone jamming technology.

More people visiting food banks for help. "I have a master's degree. I shouldn't have to do this"

Best Classified Ad... ever.

(it was here, but got taken down)

Actual car ad from Craigslist:

OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

-end of ad-

I attacked multiple government targets in the 1970s and all I got was this lousy t-shirt from "Earthbound"

If you didn't hear, Bill Ayers, college professor, philanthropist, and crazy man was on NPR's Fresh Air tonight. In the spirit of listening to both sides of the story, I decided to bite and actually listen to what he had to say.

Conclusion: This guy is still out of his freaking mind. Despite repeated attempts by Terry Gross to state some sort of apology for his actions. Ironically enough, Mr. Ayers states on several cases he was "radical" and "stupid", yet refuses to apologize for his actions or those of his Weather Underground colleagues.

While the relationship between him and Bill Ayers is debatable, it was still a complete lapse of judgment to even associate himself with the man during a presidential election nonetheless. After all, it’s like saying it is ok for a conservative to associate himself with Eric Rudolph if the bombs hadn’t hurt anyone.

Anyways, here’s a link to said interview here.