Friday, February 19, 2010

Notes on Texas and more.

Kicked In The Nuts



I've been out of Fort Jackson (but not in my unit) for a little while, but now have met with my actual unit and came back home for a little while to move our stuff to the scenic town of Fort Hood, TX. Some things I've learned about Texas:

It is apparently state law to put a gate out front of your home or business.

Everyone is either rich or poor, and the rich have even worse looking houses than the poor.

If you want to see where people go when they officially fail in life itself, take a look around the Dallas Greyhound bus station at about 3 in the morning.

I'll be around till probably a couple days into next week. In the meanwhile:

Upside: you're living in the second most affordable city in the nation. Downside: it's Detroit

Let's throw a "ghetto-themed" Black History party on campus. What could possibly go wrong?

"After about a year, the white worms dig through the body towards the skin, releasing chemicals to burn the flesh and then spewing thousands of larvae as they exit"

The Castleford Area Voice for the Elderly has been successful at preventing the politically correct renaming of a Victorian landmark . "I feel we should never alter names, and Tickle Cock has a very clear message behind it"

The 10 worst best picture Oscar winners of all time... Hey... Forrest Gump is a classic, dammit.

Taliban fighters running out of ammo, despite all the bullets and bombs being sent their way

"Operation: Iraqi Freedom" to become "Operation: New Dawn", be even tougher on hard grease

List of America's most miserable cities is in and... congrats Cleveland, Stockton and Memphis... you officially suck more than Detroit.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

More or Less Back in the Game (Maybe?)

Taking advantage of the weekend to try and post stuff. Currently in Ft Jackson, undergoing Paralegal training and learning to fill out paperwork that I hope I'm never on the other end of in my lifetime (UCMJ paperwork). Actually not that hard a course, but then again, combat engineer school wasn't that hard either, and it involved setting up explosive systems.

In other news, explosives are rarely issued to combat engineers in Iraq anymore. I cannot possibly think why.

Anyways:

Friday, October 9, 2009

Friday's Horrible Movie of the week

For this week, I chose something I like to call:

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It's about a spaceship with two alien rug monsters crashing into rural California, causing death and destruction wherever a couple of guys under a rug can go.

Speaking of death and destruction,



Besides terrible writing and acting, it also has a runaway narrator who covers over missing dialogue audio, which happens, alot.

For the record, this is my favorite movie to see in an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Breaking "Puppy Man" News in USF-Tampa lockdown

-According to new reports. Puppy Man had just came back from a hunting trip and had just chosen a bad moment and place to be really creepy.

-Also, the campus just got the all clear. I'll let ya'll know what is up when the the cops get done roughing the other guy for answers.

Breaking Weird Ass News

I'm sure everyone has heard about the USF-Tampa lockdown situation, and that a suspect has been arrested, but there has apparently been reports from USF students that the Campus's alert network has put out word to be on a lookout for another suspect:

"FWD: Tampa Campus- white male suspect seen in the Cooper Hall area in a black tank top, cowboy hat carrying large puppy and a large hunting knife- Officers enro(en route)"

I'm not making this up. As I'm typing, my roommate (from the Tampa metro area) is getting texts about it from everyone back home.

All I know is I'm praying for the puppy.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

News You Can't Possibly Use

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For a more efficient service, please alight at the next stop where a team of heavily drugged sloths will drag you to your destination.

Your panhandling permit, please?

1100 Pills of E? Check. 32 grams of coke? Check. Xanax, marijuana and crack? Check. Zero prison time because it was the judge's son? Check.

Senior citizens to get discounts at brothels to celebrate Seniors Week. Next week's followup: Sudden spike in heart attacks and strokes among Australian men aged over 60.

Much like their football team, Detroit's dead can't even afford to get buried with dignity.

Real estate company sues Steve McNair's widow for back rent on mistress' apartment.

Homeowner holds intruder at gunpoint. Cops respond to 911 call, shoot homeowner (still on phone with 911 operator) four times in the back, then twice more when he was on the ground. Bonus: 911 tape records cops planning the cover-up.


Sunday's... Friday's Movie of the Week?

Wow, I messed up, I usually count down to doing this post, but I let you all down. Don't worry, I'll just give you all a clip of some people who let us all down:

Troll 2



Not only are the acting and effects terrible, but the script was actually written by people who spoke English as a second language, so they've got that going for them, which is nice.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The Hawaii Chair

If you actually buy one of these, you officially fail at life.

Whisky Tango Foxtrot...

I found this little jewel on the internets just now, and had to post it immediately:




This would be merely ridiculous, except how similar in form it sounds to one of my church's intercessory "Prayers of the Church" (where the congregation replies to the pastor's each prayer with "Hear our prayer.")

Creepy stuff.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Friday's Horrible Movie of the Week

"Hobgoblins: They'll make you party 'till you drop... dead"


Saturday, September 19, 2009

News You Can't Possibly Use

Burglar leaves his Facebook page on victim's computer

Ranking of world's highest BAC test scores. Lithuanians take two of the top spots, but they can't keep up with the Bulgarian

Lawyers defending four men accused of plotting to bomb Bronx synagogue argue the men were effectively entrapped by being offered unlimited fried chicken by agents. Please look at he link's illustration, and please tell me what the defendant team is doing horribly, horribly wrong.

And finally, 7 Items you won't believe are actually legal.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Friday's Horrible Movie of the week

Laserblast... It will blow your mind.



Enjoy the badness guys, and by the way, it's good to be back to blogging.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Testing texting tool.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Not Voting: The Magical Way to Solve All You Political Problems!


Just went to the washingtonpost.com's web site the last night, having discovered their handy Congressional Vote Database, and, in my never ending search for congressional research, began looking up a certain Congressman Marion Berry's voting pattern.

Soon, you see a pattern, of which only has started fairly recently, from the point of the new congress this January. Often, during controversial issues, a four-stage process happens. First, the Republicans try to head-off Democratic Party legislation ( On Motion to Recommit With Instructions). This, Congressman Berry of course votes against. But then, when his fellow colleagues from the same party but from the left side of him offer theirs, he decides just not to vote. No "yea", and no "nay". He apparently just sits it out. Again though, the subject is usually brought up again.

My guess is this:

Vote 1) he hates Republicans, so he votes no.

Vote 2) he thinks his Democratic Colleagues are dirty hippies, but still doesn't want to vote like a Republican, so he just doesn't vote.

Intermission) Speaker Nancy Pelosi reminds Congressman Berry she keeps 198 jars in a congressional office closet specifially one for each of the men in her command, and that he best not find out why.

Vote 3) he votes party-line, or very occasionally, decides to risk testicular removal, goes all Leeroy Jenkins, and actually decides to still sit out or even vote against the Queen's wishes.

This happens in a few cases, such as Credit Cardholders’ Bill of Rights Act of 2009. In the case of House roll number 223: H R 1913, a certain Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act, otherwise known as the Matthew Shephard Act, came up this April. Apparently, he somehow could not find the time to vote either for or against the resolution, even though he had shown up to vote earlier that day. He did find time to get back to work first thing the next daily session, to vote on the all too important roll number 229 HR 230: "Recognizing the Historical Signifigance of the Holiday of Cinco de Mayo."

Monday, May 25, 2009




Ah, for this next one, I was wondering if this would be a problem, and now here it is:
Somali pirate on trial in the Netherlands likes the country so much, he's considering staying there after his trial is over. "He thinks the lavatory in his cell is fantastic."
So how exactly can you punish folks already from a shit hole?

Pakistan's allies promise $224 million to help displaced civilians. Meanwhile, Pakistan spends its own money ramping up production of nuclear warheads.... wait. what?

I pity the fool that don't wish Mr. T a happy 57th birthday.

Seven crazy ass weapons made in recent history.

Legislator decides to get back at Neo-Nazi group that adopted road by renaming it the "Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel Memorial Highway."

Reason # 359 that the internet is the death of us all: WD-40 now has a social network.

Man goes turkey hunting, sits behind turkey decoy while making turkey calls. Need I tell you what happened next?

Iran throws a burqa on Facebook.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Nuclear Option Against Affirmative Action

Hi everybody! Ever feel like the man is holding you down for not being brown, or at least, in the case of poor, poor Bill Richardson, not being the "right kind" of brown?


Angry Obama
"The Man"


My friends, we here at Jim Bob's Bait Shop (and gifts) have the perfect product for you:

The Race Trump Card.

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With the race trump card, you can affirm just about any action! Got a government interview? The Race Trump Card is there to help you seal the deal. Got turned down on a home loan? Pull out your trusty card and tell that pail-faced loan officer you also just happen to be there for a 200 year collection call. Also, if you're in the Armed Forces, you can use your Military I.D. for a devastatingly powerful soldier/Indian combo. Because, if you're bigoted against Native American veterans, you're pretty much going to be Adolf Hitler's roommate in Hell.

Okay, here's were I'm going with this: let's just say, that one day, the Arkansas State government was to hire state workers with an emphasis on hiring minority workers. An emphasis to the point where being a minority would be essentially "brownie points"(I swear on my grave that was a totally unintended pun), and giving someone a better opportunity to get a job than another person who, if was the same race, would have instead gotten it.

Here's the wrench in the gears to that plan.

Most white people whose families have been here since the 1800s have Cherokee ancestry, and since there are some nations with lenient entry requirements, virtually all of them could enter one, officially having recognized minority status as a Native American, and receive similar government benefits as other minorities.

Hence the "Race Trump Card."

Then, we find ourselves rating each other on racial purity to get those benefits, and then we've pretty much missed the damn point on equality. So maybe we should just let the
best man win?

...and/or woman. I also also meant woman.